it has been 5 years this year since our beautiful benjamin was born silently into this world (and recently after seeing some very disturbing things im almost glad he doesnt have to witness this world) the pain is still so very raw especially around this time as on the 8th was the day i was told his heart had stopped beating little did i know that on this day (5th) in five years time i wouldnt be planning a birthday party i would trying to convince my family (yes convince them) to come up to benjamins grave side, and i have met many friends along the way who remeber to ask, and mention him without the need to and i am forever greatful for them, alas i am trying to find time to plan a little gathering on the 11th but im sure i will come up against many many excuses (but tbh after five years of them i am used to them) but i know the people who matter will be there holding my hand and supporting gary and i through the most devastating and upsetting time of our lives, i just wish he was here and we were planning a tea party with all of his little friends i planned for this my whole life and it has just been ripped from under me,




This memorial website was created in the memory of our beloved son, Benjamin Brett-Garrett who was born sleeping on 11th November 2004 it is one remembrance day we will never forget for so many reasons . We will remember him forever.


                            

this is benjamins story...

I remember the day we found out Benjamin had passed as if it was just yesterday but its been two whole years ...
it was a dreary normal Monday afternoon in cold November i was walking off to a routine antenatal clinic and to organise inducement as i was getting impatient to see my first bubba little did i know i would be meeting him very very soon but not in the way we all expected i was in there just a few minutes when my midwife wanted to check on his heartbeat (didn't know it was a him at the time) and we couldn't find it i'm quite big so i thought it might be that she thought it might be too much water but deep down i knew he was gone so she sent me on my way to get myself to the hospital on my own (baring in mind i was only 18 at the time) so i called my mum closest one to me with a car in tear saying 'my baby has gone i need to get to the hospital' (how she wasn't pulled over for speeding i don't know) but we got there and they took me in straight away for an emergency scan only to confirm what i already knew all they said was 'i'm sorry' and i just curled up into a ball and didn't want anyone near me or my baby till Gary (my dp) got there (he worked two hours away so it took him ages to get there)  my daddy had already warned him outside the hospital and i remember his face as he walked into my room thats a look i never want to see again and we just hugged for what seemed forever they gave me some medication and sent me home!!!! i was to come back on the Wednesday for inducement so they gave us a room there was me, Gary, my mum, my dad, and my dads mum  my nan was fantastic she never left my side the whole time i love my nanny.  Some family members came to visit but most of them just didn't know what to do or say so that didn't really help that much. i told all of the midwives and family members that i wanted it to be born on the 11th and if i was to lose my baby i wanted it to be on remembrance day they all told me if it doesn't happen that way, it doesn't happen that way but i was determined and after a nice short labor that shocked everyone as they told us to prepare for a long painful labor as i would have to do it all myself Benjamin was born on 11/11/04 at 2.55am and weighed a nice 6lbs 3 oz the days after that are all such a blur i get the odd flash back now and again but nothing really that clear we buried Benjamin on the 16th of December it was a small ceremony with the chaplain who blessed Benjamin when he was born. i wrote and tried to read out a poem (mum had to finish it for me) then we finally said goodbye.




i would like to thank sands for all of their support and all my friends on the forum  i would also now like to thank my friends on babycentre! they have been a huge help to me since daniel and charlie were born and i know i can always offload there and recive a huge warm hug thanks girls i love u all ((((())))))) and you are still supporting me to this day


www.sandsforum.org


the poem i wrote for Benjamins funeral:


meant to be the happiest time of life
about to become a mum
nothing prepares you for this news
just makes you go all numb

all they say is im sorry
then you just know
god has taken away out baby
and made us all feel numb

everybody is greiving
saying sorry like its their fault
crying,shouting, silence, fear
time seems to have come to a halt

our poor defenceless baby
we love you so very much
mummy and daddy see you soon
and we'll always keep in touch







another poem ive found helpful

  

     
my mummy and daddy are so proud of me!

                  



                 

                     
   


benjamin is now four! four long years have passed and mummy and daddy and your little brothers are so very proud of you darling!! i always show daniel and charlie your picture and tell them that they are very special as they have a angel looking after them! not many of their friends can say that.

brothers daniel and charlie are growing fast big dude! charlie looks just as i'd imagine you to look at his age, and daniel is hitting the terrible twos 6 months too early!!

Five years this year son.... mummy misses you so so much, and even though mummy and daddy arent living together anymore it doesnt mean we dont love you and your brothers just as we always have. mummy is sorry she hasnt been able to face visiting you i am going to come up and see you tomorrow with the boys and wish you a happy birthday xx i love you baby xx